Major Food Groups

Originally published in the
Northland Reader
now called the

Reader Weekly
Duluth, Minnesota
February 17, 2000

When a friend drinks Mountain Dew he often exclaims, "Ahh, two of the major food groups, caffeine and sugar!"  I wondered what the other major food groups were.  After two weeks of lengthy research with my wife and several friends, I completed the list with fat, alcohol, and chocolate.

Caffeine is the jump start to the day.  That first cup of coffee gets our eyes open.  It provides enough sleep banishment to get us out the door.  For others, several cups of coffee are needed to negotiate the drive to work, to stay awake through boring meetings, or to keep at a report or other task.  Soft drinks with caffeine are a good substitute.  Coffee or tea are also a good roundoff to dinner.

Sugar is an important fuel for our bodies.  Like caffeine it is an important day starter.  Sugar in coffee, on cereal, or in syrup on pancakes gets us going in the morning.  A donut midmorning provides momentum for the rest of the morning.  Cookies after school provide kids with energy for their games and homework.  Sugar in dessert is another good roundoff to dinner.

Fat is another important fuel for our bodies.  Fat also lubricates our joints and keeps our skin supple.  Fat is even an essential flavor.  Steaks, hamburgers, or sausages are the centerpiece of any meal.  Sour cream and blue cheese make an excellent salad dressing.  Butter on pancakes, bread, or potatoes seems to make the day go smoother.  Whipped cream on strawberries make an excellent roundoff to dinner.

Alcohol is an important relaxant.  The two-martini lunch provides an important slowdown from the hectic pace of the office.  Beer or whisky before dinner help us reflect on the day.  Wine helps us linger over dinner.  A glass of any one of a number of spirits or liqueurs, which the Italians call "un digestivo," provides another excellent roundoff to dinner.

Chocolate is for our souls what the other four food groups are for our bodies.  Fine chocolate makes a fine life.  Hot chocolate for breakfast helps us gather our thoughts for the day.  A chocolate donut midmorning provides a good break from work.  A chocolate brownie after lunch prepares us for the afternoon.  A chocolate candy bar gives us a morale boost to finish our workday.  A piece of fine chocolate melting slowly in our mouths is the perfect roundoff to dinner.

Many of our favorite foods contain two or more of these major food groups.  There is at least one dish that contains all five: Coffee Chocolate Rum Ice Cream!  Enjoy!

I was right to be positive about a negative

This morning my urologist called me.  He was pleased to tell me that there was no sign of cancer in the biopsies of my prostate.  See "The Impatient Outpatient".  However, he wants to see me again next February and his staff called me back with a specific date.

Where are my get-young pills?

Ah, this is a good place to stick in my notes about Ponce de León and the Fountain of Youth.  Ponce did not discover Florida.  "By 1513, when Ponce de Léon first arrived, so many Europeans had visited Florida that some Indians greeted him in Spanish."  The fountain of youth at St. Augustine was concocted by Washington Irving over 300 years later.  See "Ponce de León, Exposed", T. Allman, New York Times, 2013-04-01.

About the only Fountains of Youth are to pick long-lived grandparents, don't smoke, drink moderately, eat your vegetables, and exercise regularly.  I've failed at some time or another on all five, but I have followed the second for over 30 years and I try to follow the last three every day.  Plus I have Magree's push-up rule of longevity - you'll live as many years more as you can do pushups.  I have been doing between 22 and 26 most mornings.  See "The Magree Inexpensive Heart Stress Test".

Quote of the day - Vikings Stadium

"Who needs a 50,000-seat bar and grill used only on Sundays?"

- Ed Raymond, The Gadfly, "What Will Cure Idiocraphobia?", Reader Weekly, 2011-08-25, originally published in High Plains Reader as "Tar and Feathers".

He made an earlier reference in his article that "alcohol has become a major problem at practically every stadium in the U.S."




If you don't have regular access to the Reader Weekly (Duluth MN), you can find Ed Raymond's column online on the High Plains Reader.

How to end the "war on drugs" in one fell swoop

A friend wrote that her brother had a fire in his apartment. When the fire marshal investigated, he found marijuana residue. As a result the brother lost his teaching job. Would a teacher have lost his job if the fire marshal had found alcohol?

Isn't it time we end the war on drugs? It certainly hasn't succeeded, it costs lots of money for enforcement, it leads to violent crime, and it doesn't make us friends in foreign countries when we aid unpopular governments in the eradication of the plants.

Isn't it time we treat drugs the same as we do alcohol? People get in trouble when they pose a public risk: driving under the influence or being a public nuisance. Shouldn't we only concern ourselves with the use of drugs when the use directly impinges on us? We don't worry about people getting drunk in their own homes; should we worry about people getting high in their own homes?

A lot of money and law enforcement personnel were wasted during Prohibition. Not only was time and money wasted looking for alcohol, but even more was wasted fighting the dealers. Didn't we learn anything from this?

Now instead of wasting these resources on enforcing the unenforceable, we regulate the sale and use of alcohol at a much lower cost and also gain tax revenue from its sale. Isn't time we did the same with drugs?

We would save money in enforcement, prosecution, and incarceration. We would gain money in taxation. We could use the gain to provide many more productive public services.