Have you noticed how some wild animals are not afraid of people, especially if the people appear to have food and they don't move? Of course, we know that we are food for mosquitoes and flies, but some birds and rodents can be almost oblivious of people.
Many of us have seen mice and squirrels come right up to picnic tables with people sitting at the table. As soon as anybody moves, the animal scurries away, but not far. Gulls are a screeching nuisance around many popular areas from Canal Park to Thompson Hill; they are always on the look out for something dropped or even thrown to them. Occasionally a gull may be so bold as to grab food right out of a person's hand. I saw this happen around the food stands in a park in Sweden. One second a person was holding a hot dog, the next second the person had only a bun!
Just recently I was only a large object in the way of a busy ground squirrel. I was installing a pump on a well when I heard rustling in the grass by a clump of chokecherries. I was on one side of a garden cart and the noise was on the other side. Pretty soon, I noticed a ground squirrel scurrying around. It went under the cart and then out my side to my feet. It sniffed at my boots and climbed up to check my laces. No food there! It then checked between my sole and the upper of my boot. No food there! Then it looked up at my jeans. Nah! Not worth climbing.
The ground squirrel then went out on the scarred ground around the newly dug well and investigated various clumps. When I moved it raced back to the safety of the grass.
Later in the day when I came out to pump some water, the ground squirrel was in the middle of the clearing. It dove into a hole by one of the clumps left by the back hoe. In a few minutes, it came back out and started exploring the barren ground. It worked its way over to the chokecherries and climbed up one of them. From its perch at about my eye level and about three arm-lengths away it studied me.
I don't remember if it tired of watching me or if I moved, but it climbed back down. Quite soon after that, it ventured onto the wood chips around the well and started digging not four feet from me. It would make two or three scratches in the chips and then look up. Two or three scratches more
and look up again. Very quickly it was down to the dirt and continued this pattern, back legs straddled, looking just like Disney's Chip 'n' Dale. Every so often it would stop, turn around, and with its nose, push the chips and dirt further from the hole. Deeper and deeper it went. When it was
about a half-body length in, it met the tunnel it had been seeking and it disappeared. I pushed some chips over the hole.
The next time I came back the chips were out of the hole as well as more dirt. As I didn't want anybody to trip on the hole, I put a rock on it. This may seem that I am mean to the ground squirrel, but I'm sure that if it was in the hole it had many other exits. If it wasn't in the hole it will use other exits as well as dig as many new exits as it wants.
However, having met this little neighbor I decided not to cut down the chokecherry clump. It will be interesting to watch the ground squirrel as the seasons progress. Does it have a big cache of seeds buried and won't come out once the snow is deep? Will it need to come out to get some additional food and leave tracks in and out of all its exits? Or will it come to some handy perch to investigate and be amused by these large creatures who make so much noise as they move about?
This may have been published as “Gopher Story” in the Northland Reader, November 1999. The Northland Reader was renamed Reader Weekly a few years later.
Showing posts with label Northland Reader. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Northland Reader. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Friday, December 18, 2015
The Reluctant Santa
Originally published in the Northland Reader now the Reader Weekly, December 7, 2000 as "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he's a temp employee"
Santa Claus quit in early December, 1999. Mariner Mall called Pro Staff for a replacement. The staff looked at each other and said, “Mel!” I have white hair and a white beard.
The job was from noon to 6 everyday through the 23rd. The pay was $7.50/hour. I was not very enthusiastic but I accepted because I thought it would be an interesting experience.
When I arrived at the Mariner Mall office, I introduced myself as the Santa from Pro Staff. Grant, the manager, took me down the back halls to the back room of an empty store. The floor was littered and the small restroom had not been cleaned in months. The room had two Santa suits and wigs hanging from old display stands.
I figured out the various pieces of the outfit, stripped down to my underwear, and began putting things on. First was a stuffed front, essential for those of us with a moderate build. Next were the big red pants, and I mean big. They must have had a 60 inch waist! Pulling the drawstring as tight as I could, I just managed to get them to stay up over the false front. Then there was the big red coat with white, fake fur trim. It fit well enough, not too baggy and not too tight. To go with the coat was a wide black plastic belt.
Pro Staff had said that I should wear black shoes and I did have on a pair of black “dress” boots. The fake boots were black, lined vinyl with white fake fur around the tops and no soles. One’s own shoes peeked out from under the fake boots. Running shoes definitely would not do.
Now I was ready for the finishing touches. I have a white beard, but it is rather short and sparse so I had to use a false beard. The supplied beard was a huge frizzy thing with a moustache that covered my mouth instead of staying above my mouth. Since I have a fairly decent white moustache, I kept the false moustache below my mouth. The wig was a mass of flowing hair that was also frizzy.
Almost last was a huge red hat with white trim and a white ball dangling from the top. That hat could not be worn without the wig! Last was a pair of gold-rimmed reading glasses. They were smeared and I thought they would pinch and scrape my nose (did they ever?)
SantaI wended my way through the back halls to the main part of the mall. On my way, I went past the rest rooms, and I immediately had to get into character. As I met people in the hall, I greeted them with “Merry Christmas!” Most people reacted with cheer and a “Merry Christmas, Santa!” From my “throne” I looked out over some fake snow to a camera on a tripod, a reflector light on a stand, and three tables in a U.
Being Santa was “easy” but boring, at least in a slow place like Mariner Mall. I watched for eye contact from people passing by. If they looked at me I waved and said, “Merry Christmas.” Some people would make eye contact from thirty feet away and their faces would light up. Others didn’t seem to notice me until they were right alongside me. Yet others ignored me by looking straight ahead or at the store windows.
If a kid walked by I would say “Merry Christmas” even without eye contact. Some would shyly hide behind their parents; others would almost run to me.
The photos made my life harder. Some parents were intimidated that they had to pass by the photographers’ tables to get to Santa, even if the photographers asked, “Would you like a photo or would you just like to see Santa?” On the other hand, the possibility of photos attracted parents whose kids were afraid of Santa. A couple of parents were almost abusive trying to get the kids to sit on my lap or even to stand near me.
One thing I didn’t like was bribing the kids with candy canes to get them to come forward or to calm down. Aren’t they being taught not to accept candy from strangers?
On the other hand, there were the kids who came rushing up to get a hug. I would open up my arms and give them a big bear hug, and then go into my almost robotic spiel. “Hi, what’s your name?” “What would you like for Christmas?” “Anything else?” “We’ll see what we can do.” “Would you like a candy cane?” “Bye. Merry Christmas.”
It wasn’t all that mechanical. I kept my tone friendly and I would vary my “script” with questions about details, like how big a truck they wanted and what kind. I would extemporize with things like “Everybody wants Pokémon cards. I don’t know if the elves can print enough.” One memorable visitor was Erin, a precocious girl trying to work through her confusion of seeing Santa in different places: “When I saw you at Jubilee...”
There were three Santa substitutes who filled when I had classes at UMD and on weekends. One substitute spent two hours in the bar of the mall pizzeria before he began his shift on Sunday. I didn’t get any details on how he behaved, but the photographers were told by their manager to just pack up. A mall customer accosted them at the photo store accusing them of getting Santa fired. The Santa who replaced me the second weekend was moody. He would be very friendly and open for a couple of hours then be grouchy or withdrawn. The third substitute was almost wooden. He wouldn’t look around, he apparently didn’t relate to the kids, and he got up to take a break when there were about a dozen kids in line.
Some adults wanted to sit on my lap and I didn’t deny anybody. My first visitor was a grandmother who had a tradition of getting her picture with Santa. Several retarded adults were delighted to sit on my lap. Some adults reeked of cigarette smoke. Of course, I had to get a photo with my wife.
Almost the very last adults to sit on my lap were a reporter and cameraman from a local TV station. I was amazed at how well I winged the interview. Since we don’t have a VCR or a TV, I called a friend to ask him to tape it, but I only got to leave a message. Unfortunately, his stepfather was in the hospital and died on Christmas eve. I later purchased a copy of the segment to watch on somebody else’s TV.
There were lots of other high points like the three or four kids who asked for “Peace on Earth.” Answer: “We’ve been working on that one for a long time.”
All in all I’m glad that I did it because of the many small rewards. But I doubt that I would do it again. I don’t think the sore bottom, the itchy chin, and the waiting for the next break were worth the pay. Especially considering not much was left after I paid for the pictures, the news video, and the chocolate bars I ate on breaks.
Santa Claus quit in early December, 1999. Mariner Mall called Pro Staff for a replacement. The staff looked at each other and said, “Mel!” I have white hair and a white beard.
The job was from noon to 6 everyday through the 23rd. The pay was $7.50/hour. I was not very enthusiastic but I accepted because I thought it would be an interesting experience.
When I arrived at the Mariner Mall office, I introduced myself as the Santa from Pro Staff. Grant, the manager, took me down the back halls to the back room of an empty store. The floor was littered and the small restroom had not been cleaned in months. The room had two Santa suits and wigs hanging from old display stands.
I figured out the various pieces of the outfit, stripped down to my underwear, and began putting things on. First was a stuffed front, essential for those of us with a moderate build. Next were the big red pants, and I mean big. They must have had a 60 inch waist! Pulling the drawstring as tight as I could, I just managed to get them to stay up over the false front. Then there was the big red coat with white, fake fur trim. It fit well enough, not too baggy and not too tight. To go with the coat was a wide black plastic belt.
Pro Staff had said that I should wear black shoes and I did have on a pair of black “dress” boots. The fake boots were black, lined vinyl with white fake fur around the tops and no soles. One’s own shoes peeked out from under the fake boots. Running shoes definitely would not do.
Now I was ready for the finishing touches. I have a white beard, but it is rather short and sparse so I had to use a false beard. The supplied beard was a huge frizzy thing with a moustache that covered my mouth instead of staying above my mouth. Since I have a fairly decent white moustache, I kept the false moustache below my mouth. The wig was a mass of flowing hair that was also frizzy.
Almost last was a huge red hat with white trim and a white ball dangling from the top. That hat could not be worn without the wig! Last was a pair of gold-rimmed reading glasses. They were smeared and I thought they would pinch and scrape my nose (did they ever?)
SantaI wended my way through the back halls to the main part of the mall. On my way, I went past the rest rooms, and I immediately had to get into character. As I met people in the hall, I greeted them with “Merry Christmas!” Most people reacted with cheer and a “Merry Christmas, Santa!” From my “throne” I looked out over some fake snow to a camera on a tripod, a reflector light on a stand, and three tables in a U.
Being Santa was “easy” but boring, at least in a slow place like Mariner Mall. I watched for eye contact from people passing by. If they looked at me I waved and said, “Merry Christmas.” Some people would make eye contact from thirty feet away and their faces would light up. Others didn’t seem to notice me until they were right alongside me. Yet others ignored me by looking straight ahead or at the store windows.
If a kid walked by I would say “Merry Christmas” even without eye contact. Some would shyly hide behind their parents; others would almost run to me.
The photos made my life harder. Some parents were intimidated that they had to pass by the photographers’ tables to get to Santa, even if the photographers asked, “Would you like a photo or would you just like to see Santa?” On the other hand, the possibility of photos attracted parents whose kids were afraid of Santa. A couple of parents were almost abusive trying to get the kids to sit on my lap or even to stand near me.
One thing I didn’t like was bribing the kids with candy canes to get them to come forward or to calm down. Aren’t they being taught not to accept candy from strangers?
On the other hand, there were the kids who came rushing up to get a hug. I would open up my arms and give them a big bear hug, and then go into my almost robotic spiel. “Hi, what’s your name?” “What would you like for Christmas?” “Anything else?” “We’ll see what we can do.” “Would you like a candy cane?” “Bye. Merry Christmas.”
It wasn’t all that mechanical. I kept my tone friendly and I would vary my “script” with questions about details, like how big a truck they wanted and what kind. I would extemporize with things like “Everybody wants Pokémon cards. I don’t know if the elves can print enough.” One memorable visitor was Erin, a precocious girl trying to work through her confusion of seeing Santa in different places: “When I saw you at Jubilee...”
There were three Santa substitutes who filled when I had classes at UMD and on weekends. One substitute spent two hours in the bar of the mall pizzeria before he began his shift on Sunday. I didn’t get any details on how he behaved, but the photographers were told by their manager to just pack up. A mall customer accosted them at the photo store accusing them of getting Santa fired. The Santa who replaced me the second weekend was moody. He would be very friendly and open for a couple of hours then be grouchy or withdrawn. The third substitute was almost wooden. He wouldn’t look around, he apparently didn’t relate to the kids, and he got up to take a break when there were about a dozen kids in line.
Some adults wanted to sit on my lap and I didn’t deny anybody. My first visitor was a grandmother who had a tradition of getting her picture with Santa. Several retarded adults were delighted to sit on my lap. Some adults reeked of cigarette smoke. Of course, I had to get a photo with my wife.
Almost the very last adults to sit on my lap were a reporter and cameraman from a local TV station. I was amazed at how well I winged the interview. Since we don’t have a VCR or a TV, I called a friend to ask him to tape it, but I only got to leave a message. Unfortunately, his stepfather was in the hospital and died on Christmas eve. I later purchased a copy of the segment to watch on somebody else’s TV.
There were lots of other high points like the three or four kids who asked for “Peace on Earth.” Answer: “We’ve been working on that one for a long time.”
All in all I’m glad that I did it because of the many small rewards. But I doubt that I would do it again. I don’t think the sore bottom, the itchy chin, and the waiting for the next break were worth the pay. Especially considering not much was left after I paid for the pictures, the news video, and the chocolate bars I ate on breaks.
Monday, November 10, 2014
So you wanna a be a writer!
I intended to write about writing this week, but before I even started I looked for an old column that I wrote. It was in January 2005 and I really don’t have much new advice. I have cut some to fit in my usual 900 or so words; and I have updated a few paragraphs.
If you want to be a writer, you have to write. If you don’t write, then being a writer will only remain a dream. That is what I told myself over fifteen years ago. Then I submitted my “Bear Stories” to the Northland Reader, a month or so later “Tech Staff Shortage”, then “Berlin Wall”, and before I knew it I was writing for almost every bi-weekly issue. When the Northland Reader went weekly as the Reader Weekly, I soon started writing weekly. Every so often the muse left me and I didn’t submit a column, but now it is hard not to write a column.
One way to start writing more is to keep a journal or a notebook, not necessarily a “What did I do today” but a collection of your ideas, no matter how fragmentary. I have a small collection of hard-back blank books in which I jotted ideas about what I did or felt or saw for years. One of these years I might transcribe them to my computer
You can also use little spiral bound notebooks that fit in pocket or purse. Don’t forget to carry a pen or pencil. Or you can use scraps of paper. The problem with scraps of paper is that they pile up and don’t get organized. It is fun to unbury them and read what you wrote a month or a year ago. I posted a few of these on my blog last week. Now you can put your ideas in your smart phone or tablet, but just like the scraps of paper, you may bury them among all your other info.
The really best place to start serious writing, that is writing that other people read, is to write letters or emails to your friends and relatives. Before putting your letter in an envelope or clicking the send button, reread what you wrote. Does it give information clearly, does it convey your mood, and does it encourage a response from your reader?
Write in sentences and paragraphs. Each sentence should give a single idea, and a paragraph should give a set of related ideas. I have a relative who sent emails as one big run-on paragraph; we found his messages very hard to read because we couldn’t focus on his thoughts.
Another good place to do serious writing is letters to the editor. Why not write a letter to the Reader Weekly about this column? Or to the News Tribune or the Star Tribune about what you think on an issue. I must be getting stale because my letters are not published as frequently as a few years ago. I try to follow the TUT principle; that is, a letter to the editor should be Timely, Unique, and Terse. If you wait two or three weeks to write, if you write a letter similar to all the others, and you ramble on like this column, you probably won’t get published. But if you email your letter as soon as you read an article, if you state an idea that is not given in the article, and you write in sentences and paragraphs and keep it to the size the newspaper wants, you greatly increase your chances of having your letter published.
The best basis for writing is lots of reading. Read newspapers, magazines, and books. Unless you want to write about TV, turn it off and read instead. Read novels, biographies, and histories. Read books about writers. One I particularly enjoyed is “It’s Been a Good Life” about Isaac Asimov. If you read it you will sense the joy of expressing your thoughts to others.
Every good writer has an editor. Pick up any book and read the acknowledgments; not only have many people contributed with ideas, but others have read the book and given the author comments, not only the publisher’s editor, but friends and colleagues. Before you dash off that important letter to the editor, ask someone else to read it. You might be surprised at what familiarity with your letter lets you overlook. My wife often reads these columns before I email them. Although I complain that she can be too picky, very often she finds either a blatant error or suggests a better phrasing. She’s out of town this November 2014 weekend, and so any mistakes are wholly my fault.
If you would like to meet and talk with other writers, contact Lake Superior Writers – www.lakesuperiorwriters.org or 1301 Rice Lake Road, Suite 129, Duluth MN 55811.
Finally, what do you do about the dreaded writer’s block? Generally, just go do something else for a while and try again later. The humor writer James Thurber discussed this at a party with other writers. One said he typed “The” in his typewriter and then words started coming. Thurber tried it the next time he had writer’s block. He typed “The” and just stared at it. After awhile he typed “hell with it” and went back to bed.
Or you rewrite an old article:)
This article was published in the Reader Weekly, 2014-11-06 and can be found at http://duluthreader.com/articles/2014/11/06/4303_so_you_wanna_a_be_a_writer.
If you want to be a writer, you have to write. If you don’t write, then being a writer will only remain a dream. That is what I told myself over fifteen years ago. Then I submitted my “Bear Stories” to the Northland Reader, a month or so later “Tech Staff Shortage”, then “Berlin Wall”, and before I knew it I was writing for almost every bi-weekly issue. When the Northland Reader went weekly as the Reader Weekly, I soon started writing weekly. Every so often the muse left me and I didn’t submit a column, but now it is hard not to write a column.
One way to start writing more is to keep a journal or a notebook, not necessarily a “What did I do today” but a collection of your ideas, no matter how fragmentary. I have a small collection of hard-back blank books in which I jotted ideas about what I did or felt or saw for years. One of these years I might transcribe them to my computer
You can also use little spiral bound notebooks that fit in pocket or purse. Don’t forget to carry a pen or pencil. Or you can use scraps of paper. The problem with scraps of paper is that they pile up and don’t get organized. It is fun to unbury them and read what you wrote a month or a year ago. I posted a few of these on my blog last week. Now you can put your ideas in your smart phone or tablet, but just like the scraps of paper, you may bury them among all your other info.
The really best place to start serious writing, that is writing that other people read, is to write letters or emails to your friends and relatives. Before putting your letter in an envelope or clicking the send button, reread what you wrote. Does it give information clearly, does it convey your mood, and does it encourage a response from your reader?
Write in sentences and paragraphs. Each sentence should give a single idea, and a paragraph should give a set of related ideas. I have a relative who sent emails as one big run-on paragraph; we found his messages very hard to read because we couldn’t focus on his thoughts.
Another good place to do serious writing is letters to the editor. Why not write a letter to the Reader Weekly about this column? Or to the News Tribune or the Star Tribune about what you think on an issue. I must be getting stale because my letters are not published as frequently as a few years ago. I try to follow the TUT principle; that is, a letter to the editor should be Timely, Unique, and Terse. If you wait two or three weeks to write, if you write a letter similar to all the others, and you ramble on like this column, you probably won’t get published. But if you email your letter as soon as you read an article, if you state an idea that is not given in the article, and you write in sentences and paragraphs and keep it to the size the newspaper wants, you greatly increase your chances of having your letter published.
The best basis for writing is lots of reading. Read newspapers, magazines, and books. Unless you want to write about TV, turn it off and read instead. Read novels, biographies, and histories. Read books about writers. One I particularly enjoyed is “It’s Been a Good Life” about Isaac Asimov. If you read it you will sense the joy of expressing your thoughts to others.
Every good writer has an editor. Pick up any book and read the acknowledgments; not only have many people contributed with ideas, but others have read the book and given the author comments, not only the publisher’s editor, but friends and colleagues. Before you dash off that important letter to the editor, ask someone else to read it. You might be surprised at what familiarity with your letter lets you overlook. My wife often reads these columns before I email them. Although I complain that she can be too picky, very often she finds either a blatant error or suggests a better phrasing. She’s out of town this November 2014 weekend, and so any mistakes are wholly my fault.
If you would like to meet and talk with other writers, contact Lake Superior Writers – www.lakesuperiorwriters.org or 1301 Rice Lake Road, Suite 129, Duluth MN 55811.
Finally, what do you do about the dreaded writer’s block? Generally, just go do something else for a while and try again later. The humor writer James Thurber discussed this at a party with other writers. One said he typed “The” in his typewriter and then words started coming. Thurber tried it the next time he had writer’s block. He typed “The” and just stared at it. After awhile he typed “hell with it” and went back to bed.
Or you rewrite an old article:)
This article was published in the Reader Weekly, 2014-11-06 and can be found at http://duluthreader.com/articles/2014/11/06/4303_so_you_wanna_a_be_a_writer.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Major Food Groups
Originally published in the
Northland Reader
now called the
Northland Reader
now called the
When a friend drinks Mountain Dew he often exclaims, "Ahh, two of the major food groups, caffeine and sugar!" I wondered what the other major food groups were. After two weeks of lengthy research with my wife and several friends, I completed the list with fat, alcohol, and chocolate.
Caffeine is the jump start to the day. That first cup of coffee gets our eyes open. It provides enough sleep banishment to get us out the door. For others, several cups of coffee are needed to negotiate the drive to work, to stay awake through boring meetings, or to keep at a report or other task. Soft drinks with caffeine are a good substitute. Coffee or tea are also a good roundoff to dinner.
Sugar is an important fuel for our bodies. Like caffeine it is an important day starter. Sugar in coffee, on cereal, or in syrup on pancakes gets us going in the morning. A donut midmorning provides momentum for the rest of the morning. Cookies after school provide kids with energy for their games and homework. Sugar in dessert is another good roundoff to dinner.
Fat is another important fuel for our bodies. Fat also lubricates our joints and keeps our skin supple. Fat is even an essential flavor. Steaks, hamburgers, or sausages are the centerpiece of any meal. Sour cream and blue cheese make an excellent salad dressing. Butter on pancakes, bread, or potatoes seems to make the day go smoother. Whipped cream on strawberries make an excellent roundoff to dinner.
Alcohol is an important relaxant. The two-martini lunch provides an important slowdown from the hectic pace of the office. Beer or whisky before dinner help us reflect on the day. Wine helps us linger over dinner. A glass of any one of a number of spirits or liqueurs, which the Italians call "un digestivo," provides another excellent roundoff to dinner.
Chocolate is for our souls what the other four food groups are for our bodies. Fine chocolate makes a fine life. Hot chocolate for breakfast helps us gather our thoughts for the day. A chocolate donut midmorning provides a good break from work. A chocolate brownie after lunch prepares us for the afternoon. A chocolate candy bar gives us a morale boost to finish our workday. A piece of fine chocolate melting slowly in our mouths is the perfect roundoff to dinner.
Many of our favorite foods contain two or more of these major food groups. There is at least one dish that contains all five: Coffee Chocolate Rum Ice Cream! Enjoy!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Billionaire Duluth Native Buys Northland Reader
The following was my first April Fool submission to the Weekly Reader, then called the Northland Reader. It is one that has been read several times on my web site; as of this posting it comes up second in a Google search of "duluth" and "billionaire".
Mr. Ingenvik made his fortune selling taconite pellets on the worldwide web. He discovered that taconite pellets in the ears were an excellent hangover remedy. One night after a bout of drinking grappa, vodka, and akvavit, some friends stuck the pellets in his ears as a prank. Mr. Ingenvik woke up the next morning without his usual headache. In fact, his head was so clear that in less than an hour he was able to draft a complete business plan for selling the pellets over the web.
One of Mr. Ingenvik’s first actions will be to move the offices of the Northland Reader from its cramped quarters in Canal Park to the penthouse of the Technology Village. Mr. Ingenvik said that the move to the Technology Village will provide the synergy needed to expand the Northland Reader into an electronic media leader. Furthermore, all the young interns will provide flashier, more iconoclastic content at far less cost than the current writers.
Mr. Ingenvik plans to create a web version of the Northland Reader by late spring. He said that a cutting edge publication like the Northland Reader should have been using cutting edge technology long ago.
Publisher Robert Boone remembers Signore Nessuno when they were teammates on the East hockey team. He said that Nessuno was known as the Ice Italian because he was so cool under pressure. When he was asked about his future plans, Boone said he would think about them from his chalet in Switzerland.
Editor Richard Thomas remembers Pan Jarnowski when they were team mates on the Denfeld basketball team. He said that Jarnowski was known as the Pouncing Pole because he would often grab the ball out of an opponent’s hands. When he was asked about his future plans, Thomas said he would think about them from his condo at Waikiki.
Columnist Duke Skorich remembers Herr Ingenvik when they were team mates on the Central wrestling team. He said that Ingenvik was known as the Slippery Swede because he was able to get out of some very difficult holds. However, Skorich said those fond memories will never get him to move to the Technology Village even if they offered free brats and beer for lunch.
Columnist Mel Magree groused, “I guess I’m done here. Nobody in Silicon Valley wants programmers over forty years old.”
Billionaire
Duluth Native Buys Northland Reader
Melvyn D. Magree
Originally published in
Northland Reader
now called
ReaderWeekly
March 30, 2000
Revised
May 22, 2007 and March 31, 2013
Melvyn D. Magree
Originally published in
Northland Reader
now called
ReaderWeekly
March 30, 2000
Revised
May 22, 2007 and March 31, 2013
Silicon Valley billionaire and Duluth native Nessuno Jarnowski Ingenvik announced today that he is buying the Northland Reader for an undisclosed price. Mr. Ingenvik said that he is doing it because he would like to return to his roots, he would like to pay back Duluth for his upbringing, and he thinks the Northland Reader deserves a better fate than lining his mother’s parakeet’s cage.
Mr. Ingenvik made his fortune selling taconite pellets on the worldwide web. He discovered that taconite pellets in the ears were an excellent hangover remedy. One night after a bout of drinking grappa, vodka, and akvavit, some friends stuck the pellets in his ears as a prank. Mr. Ingenvik woke up the next morning without his usual headache. In fact, his head was so clear that in less than an hour he was able to draft a complete business plan for selling the pellets over the web.
One of Mr. Ingenvik’s first actions will be to move the offices of the Northland Reader from its cramped quarters in Canal Park to the penthouse of the Technology Village. Mr. Ingenvik said that the move to the Technology Village will provide the synergy needed to expand the Northland Reader into an electronic media leader. Furthermore, all the young interns will provide flashier, more iconoclastic content at far less cost than the current writers.
Mr. Ingenvik plans to create a web version of the Northland Reader by late spring. He said that a cutting edge publication like the Northland Reader should have been using cutting edge technology long ago.
Publisher Robert Boone remembers Signore Nessuno when they were teammates on the East hockey team. He said that Nessuno was known as the Ice Italian because he was so cool under pressure. When he was asked about his future plans, Boone said he would think about them from his chalet in Switzerland.
Editor Richard Thomas remembers Pan Jarnowski when they were team mates on the Denfeld basketball team. He said that Jarnowski was known as the Pouncing Pole because he would often grab the ball out of an opponent’s hands. When he was asked about his future plans, Thomas said he would think about them from his condo at Waikiki.
Columnist Duke Skorich remembers Herr Ingenvik when they were team mates on the Central wrestling team. He said that Ingenvik was known as the Slippery Swede because he was able to get out of some very difficult holds. However, Skorich said those fond memories will never get him to move to the Technology Village even if they offered free brats and beer for lunch.
Columnist Mel Magree groused, “I guess I’m done here. Nobody in Silicon Valley wants programmers over forty years old.”
Monday, February 28, 2011
Here we are at Irregular Blog entry 1000
This is the 1000th blog entry I've posted in the "Irregular Blog". It's been nearly four-and-a-half years since I posted the first entry at http://magree.blogspot.com.
It hasn't been the most popular blog around; it took a long time to even get to over 20 subscribers per day and to get two followers.
I suppose it doesn't matter in the bigger scheme. I've gotten some ideas out of my head. Some of you, if you didn't get new ideas in your head, you might have gotten a little different view of some ideas. I do hope that long-time readers, if any, have had a few "Ah, hah" moments and a few chuckles.
Almost twelve years ago, newly arrived in Duluth and walking around, I was struck with the urge to write more than letters to the editor. I told myself, if you want to write, you have to write.
I did join the Lake Superior Writers Group and wrote a few essays. One was a collection of bear stories, but only Kyle Eller, editor-to-be of the Duluth Budgeteer, was the only one to show up that evening.
I started picking up the Northland Reader, which had ads for writers. I called Richard Thomas, the editor, and he said I should send something in. I sent in "Bear Stories". Lucky me, he published it in the 1999-09-30 issue.
Every few issues, I would send something more and he generally would publish it. Then I started submitting something for every bi-weekly issue. Then the Northland Reader became the Reader Weekly, and I started writing weekly. Then I was bumped down to bi-weekly. My guess is that I had about 160 fans; that is, something like that many people told me they enjoyed the columns.
I think I wrote over 200 articles until I was bumped one too many times.
I posted many of these at my website, http://www.cpinternet.com/~mdmagree and still have a few buried on my hard drive. I also started writing a blog at the same site. Then I discovered Blogger and started writing entries for it.
People often asked me what I wrote about. I replied, "What I damn well please."
I have continued that attitude with this blog. But now I don't have to meet a deadline. Of course, I like to post something everyday, but if I don't, I don't. However, if I want to write two or three entries, I can. I have no space limitation except my readers' attention span.
If you like what I write, please tell your friends.
Here's to the next 1,000 blog entries. No, let's be ambitious, here's to the next 10,000 entries.
It hasn't been the most popular blog around; it took a long time to even get to over 20 subscribers per day and to get two followers.
I suppose it doesn't matter in the bigger scheme. I've gotten some ideas out of my head. Some of you, if you didn't get new ideas in your head, you might have gotten a little different view of some ideas. I do hope that long-time readers, if any, have had a few "Ah, hah" moments and a few chuckles.
Almost twelve years ago, newly arrived in Duluth and walking around, I was struck with the urge to write more than letters to the editor. I told myself, if you want to write, you have to write.
I did join the Lake Superior Writers Group and wrote a few essays. One was a collection of bear stories, but only Kyle Eller, editor-to-be of the Duluth Budgeteer, was the only one to show up that evening.
I started picking up the Northland Reader, which had ads for writers. I called Richard Thomas, the editor, and he said I should send something in. I sent in "Bear Stories". Lucky me, he published it in the 1999-09-30 issue.
Every few issues, I would send something more and he generally would publish it. Then I started submitting something for every bi-weekly issue. Then the Northland Reader became the Reader Weekly, and I started writing weekly. Then I was bumped down to bi-weekly. My guess is that I had about 160 fans; that is, something like that many people told me they enjoyed the columns.
I think I wrote over 200 articles until I was bumped one too many times.
I posted many of these at my website, http://www.cpinternet.com/~mdmagree and still have a few buried on my hard drive. I also started writing a blog at the same site. Then I discovered Blogger and started writing entries for it.
People often asked me what I wrote about. I replied, "What I damn well please."
I have continued that attitude with this blog. But now I don't have to meet a deadline. Of course, I like to post something everyday, but if I don't, I don't. However, if I want to write two or three entries, I can. I have no space limitation except my readers' attention span.
If you like what I write, please tell your friends.
Here's to the next 1,000 blog entries. No, let's be ambitious, here's to the next 10,000 entries.
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