Sunday, August 23, 2009

The manic depression of a soloist

I volunteered to sing Raghupati at a church service today, and I've forgotten how long I've been trying to learn it and when I set up the date, but both were months ago.

Raghupati was a favorite of Gandhi and he used it in his daily prayer service. It calls for peace between Muslims and Hindus.

When I mentioned my interest to a friend of Indian descent, he suggested today, Ganesh's birthday. Ganesh is the elephant-headed god. He also suggested I do it with a drummer friend of his.

I practiced and practiced and felt I was getting both the words and the music right. Learning Hindi, you think that must be a real problem. Not really, if I say to you "Do, re" you can finish the sequence with "mi, fa" etc. back to "do", right? So, I learn a bunch of syllables in a certain order. Raghupati is a bit easier because so many phrases are used over and over again. The only word I really know in the song is "Allah".

The hardest part is that the score I have has no rests! And the song is supposedly fast. Puff! Puff!

I met with the drummer a few weeks ago, and after about an hour of practice, she thought it was doable. She sounded a bit skeptical, but she was being encouraging. At a second practice she suggested some changes in the order of choruses and verses, mostly dropping the call and response format.

Still, I had some concerns about mixing the order or skipping phrases, and was I on key all the time. On Friday night I practiced it at our cabin. Since our cabin is only a single room, my wife couldn't escape to another room. When I sang without keyboard accompaniment, she said I was flat sometimes and sharp others. When I sung with accompaniment, she said I got all or almost all the notes right.

Hoo boy! Two days to go. I won't get much better in that time. I emailed the church music director asking if she could accompany me and the drummer. She replied she could, and I emailed her a copy of my arrangement. I left a message with the drummer about this change.

I should point out that I prefer singing from memory. I feel I make better contact with the audience than if I had music in hand and kept putting my nose in it.

The three of us met early this morning at the church and began practicing. In the first two tries I suddenly forgot what came next at one point or another. On the third try I went through it with only a small mistake or two. Now I felt a bit better and sort of relaxed.

Of course, I still kept sub-vocalizing phrases. It was very difficult for me to get the song out of my head.

A few minutes before I was to sing, I realized I couldn't connect two phrases. Fortunately, I had the music with me and made a quick check. My time came. I went to the microphone and made a small introduction. The pianist and drummer began, I sub-vocalized the introduction and away we went.

I had the congregation's attention and even noted at least one person in a meditative state. This was the conclusion of the meditation part of the service. I kept moving on through the song and noticed I was late or early a few times. The last note rang out. I put my hands together, bowed to the congregation, said "Om, shantih, shantih, shantih!" (Peace), turned to the drummer and said a garbled version of "Danyavad" (thank you), turned to the pianist and garbled "Danyavad" again. I sat down. My solo was over.

After the service, I told the pianist that I knew I was early or late a few times. She replied, "Yes, you were, but mistakes will be made." Overall though, she thought I did well. And so did the drummer. I couldn't stop thanking either for their support and encouragement.

My wife, however, pointed out that I had mistakes on some notes also. Darn perfectionist. However, another really good singer didn't notice any mistakes. But she hadn't been hearing it daily for many months.

Many other people gave me compliments and said they enjoyed it.

But the best compliment was from the friend that recommended the drummer. He organizes a Dewali service every year and would like me to do Raghupati as a call and response with even more verses! Dewali is the big Hindu winter solstice holiday though it wanders far from the solstice. Many shops have more business around Dewali than the rest of the year.

From being so depressed that I thought this would be my last solo, if I even did it, to looking forward to the next solo. What an emotional ride!

Now I'm thinking about "Un flambeau, Jeanette et Isabelle (A torch, Jeanette and Isabella)" for Christmas. I have the music and found a couple more verses on the web. Nous verrons! We shall see! At least I'll understand most of the words.